I’m Not My Hair

Let me be honest I like my hair.  I don’t know why because it is no different from anybody elses.  I am just happy that I still have it.  I am not the one that gets involved in what some people call “good hair”.  It is that hair on some black people that’s curly, sometimes long and straight.  I mess with a couple of my partners about their hair just because, but it is usually doing one of our cracking sessions.  Hair is Hair.

I do not have a problem with the way people wear their hair or what they do to it.  Heck, it’s theirs so do as you please.  This blog really is not about people hair but I just wanted to touch on that topic.  I know growing up at one time that was a big deal that the guy or girl had curly or long hair.  It is funny because that is such a joke, but if that is what a person is into then I really have to wonder about them some.  That maybe a judgemental statement but it has to be a reason that someone my ages or close to it is using hair as a criteria for being with somebody. 

To the main topic, we all are going to get old and that is the natural process of human evoluation.  There is just no way around it.  Sometimes it is going to be your speed, hair, skin…etc. but it is going to happen if you live long enough.  Well, I have two gray hairs on the side of my head and like four in my beard.  The first time I saw them I was thrown back because I am not that old and I always pride myself on the way I have aged.  I see Father Time thinks differently.  I am very fortunate because my brothers are going bald and one of them younger than me.  With all that is going on in my life I am surprise I don’t have more gray hairs because I am going to shift some of the blame on my kids…LOL.  I refuse to hide it or cover it up, plus it is not that many but even so I probably wouldn’t do it.  I am grateful that I am able to live to see a little gray in my hair. I am not where I want to be in life but I love being my age and me.  Yeah, at times life sucks to me…but I’m good though.

“I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I ma not this skin
I am a soul that lives within” – India Arie

All Falls Down

I bumped into this woman that I knew from the past.  Actually, she was cool but I grew up with a close friend of hers.  Initially, I did not recognize her because you know over time some of us change within our appearances.  I called out her name and she spoke back, acknowledging me and recognizing me right away.  I start asking her about a friend of hers which she told me that they were first cousins.  I was surprise because I had no ideas all these years.

Well, I was avoiding asking about her friend that I grew up with, but she brought her name up in the conversation.  Well, I wouldn’t use  avoiding but it was the undeniable because they were like peas in a pod growing up.  When she brought her name up I started asking questions right away on how she was doing…etc.  The last I heard from her she was married and was moving to Tennessee.  Her friend informed me that she was back in the city and had been for sometime and she had three little girls.  I didn’t mean to react the way I did, but I said “THREE GIRLS”!  I knew before she moved she had a daughter by a bum but that is beside the point and I won’t get into that story.  The friend goes onto tell me that she is not married any more and she just had a baby that is about to turn two.

Now,  I am surprise because I just never envision this young lady with three kids and on top of that by three different men.  WHEW!  You really have to understand because I am thinking not her.  She always been a fairly bright young lady which I am not saying that she isn’t now but I just didn’t see life the way it is for her now.  Heck, who to say she is not happy because I haven’t spoken to  her.  I wish her the best in life.

All of this made me think.  I am so far from where I want to be and maybe someone had some expectations of me and I did not live up to it.  Who knows?  I remember this girl from my childhood saying, “I thought you would be an architect or something because you use to love to draw.”  Another girl from high school mentioned that she was surprise I have kids and in a committed relationship because she just knew I would be a bachelor and touring the world. 

To their dismay I did not me or exceed any of their expectations but I am grateful for the life I have.  I am not fully satisfied with certain aspects of my life but life is not over, so there is still an ending coming to my life story.  It’s funny how we put expectations on other people.  Maybe people see something in you that you don’t see in yourself when their expectations are high, maybe it just the way we carried ourselves in the past or maybe they were living their life thorough the expectations they had of you. 

[Syleena Johnson]
Oh when it all…
It All Falls Down
(And When it All Falls Down Who You Gunna Call Now?)
Im Tellin You All ..
It All Falls Down
(Cmon Cmon And When It Falls Down)

Oh …. Yah … Watcha Gunna Do When It All Falls Down? – Kanye West, All Falls Down, Chorus

Losing My Religion

Well, people what can I say?  I am going to provide you with a little bit more honesty that I know some people may crucify me for.  But, oh well!  You know I don’t mine going to church at all and actually I enjoy it.  I don’t get the opportunity to attend on Sundays because I work, so I try to make Bible Study.  I am not always successful in my attempt to make it because somtime things come up and the other part I am just plain out lazy sometimes.

I attended church when I was younger but I can’t really say I was brought up in the church like most people I know.  I wasn’t going church hoping, hanging with church members after church (those extremely long pow wows), going to service constantly and attending all of the other church activities or functions that you can think of.  Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against anybody who does.  I know Tee was brought up in church and her family basically lived there and would spend the night sometimes.  Heck, I always joke but they prayed until they saw Jesus Christ in the flesh.  They were serious!

Well, people that is just not me.  I don’t mine going like I mentioned but I don’t want to do morning service… then afternoon service…then revival next three days…then pastor’s anniversary…then youth services…etc.  Maybe that is wrong and if so just pray for me but that is how I feel though.  Heck, sometimes these things are all in one week!  I heard the pastor say that church is the best place to be (I agree BUT) and kids need to be there because they can stay out of trouble. 

Now I want to spend time with my kids and it’s just us and not the whole congregation and I am in one room and they are in another.  Sometimes I just do not want to go to church that much.  I do not want it to consume my entire schedule for the week.  I just pick and choose what I want to attend.  Once again, maybe that is wrong but that is what I do.  It’s like this, for example, I want to put my children in soccer but it is on Wednesdays’ evenings  but that conflict with Bible Study.  The games are on the same days they practice and this would be a great time for me because I would be able to see them play in the game and attend all the practices.  Well, I said I would put them into basketball again but the games and practices are on Saturdays, plus I would have to get my people (family) to take them.  My whole purpose of their extracircurilator is for them to have something of their own.  My first thought is to put Bible Study to the back and I don’t think I am wrong for that or alternate days between Bible Study and soccer. 

Now, I am not saying church is unimportant.  NO, that is not it at all but I just don’t want to be there all the time.  I know I have to be an example to my children and I know they are watching, so I try to be aware of my behavior or attitude.  One day I didn’t go to Bible Study and I was just flat out being defiant and was upset that particular day.  I asked my son why he didn’t go to church and he said he wanted to be with me.  I thought to myself like I got to change this because I don’t want him to not want to go.  I had to force this boy to go to our church’s conference.  Please believe me people I am trying to send the right message BUT with that said I still don’t want to be in there all day or most of the week.

Church is important by all means.  Some blessing can only be received by going to church.  The Lord want us to fellowship with each other.  What’s that verse?  When one or more gather in my name I shall be there…etc.  Yeah, I know that is not the verse correctly but you  know the scripture.   That’s doesn’t mean that I am not taking any time out of my life to be with the Lord or pray.  This is not a justification by any means but we focus on the physical building itself and not the church that lies within us.

This is to switch gears some, so walk with me for a little while because I am going to wrap it up.  You know I personally don’t get off into denominations like that.  I am not saying if you do then something is wrong with you.  It just never been my focus.  I grew up Baptist for the most part of my life, I am not a current member of a  Baptist’s church but that don’t mean that I think their theological teaching are wrong either.  I go where I am lead to go.  Some of us keep the same denomination because that is the way we were raised and not so much that we believe in it or truly submerged into the Word and have a spiritual understanding of that denomination.  Now, I can’t speak too much but honestly I am ignorant to most of the Word.  See finding God or whoever you believe in is up to you and not mama, papa or your spouse.  So many times some of us stay at the same church we grew up in because it is like the sitcom “Cheers”.  Okay, not a bar but it is a place that everybody knows your name and it has a familiarity that we can go against the grain at certain times and we really don’t have accountabilityfor our action so much.  At times, we may feel as if we own or have some stake in the church because our grandfather/grandmother or great, great grandparents paved the way and our lineage runs so deep that we are personally invested in the church that it is apart of our inhertiance.  Yeah, it varies so I am not generalizing but we just have to make sure it is a place we are suppose to be verses a place (church) we were raised in and a denomination that we have inherit through meiosis.

I’m a FLIRT

Is flirting harmless?  Is it as innocent as some of us think?  Well, it probably depend on the situation and person.  I must admit flirting can be a gateway or a corridor for something to happen with another person or your message/signal getting crossed.  They say over 90% of language is body language.  I am not a flirt BUT I have flirted before or in the past.  In the sense of a relationship or marriage is flirting forbidden then because of those circumstances.  I know married people that don’t have a  problem with their mate flirting.  That’s a little strange to me but whatever works for you and your mate I don’t have a problem with personally.  Now I will say this because I do understand people being people and that is married or not that you at least be consideration and not do it in your mate’s face.  Heck, some married people it don’t bother them if flirting is exercise or practice in their face.  Personally, that would be too much for me to stomach.  See their a contradiction because it’s not a bother done behind my back…LOL.  I am not saying that either but what I am saying people are going to be people.

Of course, even if you’re single you have to be careful to an extent.  See, flirting can give off the wrong signal and be interrupted as something it isn’t and you may have a stalker.  Who knows?  I am not blogging to advocate against it or for it I am just putting something out there.  This topic was brought on by one of my volunteers because she mention that it drives the old men crazy when she wear certain outfits.  Don’t get me wrong because they are still respectable because she wouldn’t be volunteering for me.  Not me per sa but you know what I am talking about.  She’s an older lady in her fifties, so their dressing provocatively is different from ours.  For instance, she may where a dress with some long boots.

Of course, I forgot to mention she is a flirt too but that is with everyone.  It took me sometime to understand her but I am the type of person who meet people where they are as long as they are not disrespectful.  Heck, I just see her as an old lady personally.  Her husband volunteers to but he seems fine with it and not bothered.  Maybe they have that trust and he is confident in their marriage so he has nothing to worry about.  Some people may disagree but I think your partner or mate can provide that sense of security that you’re all theirs and you don’t worry about them flirting. 

At the same time flirting can be innocent to a gesture or from a causal dialog being exchange.  In the world we live in we have to be careful because it can be sexual harassment as well.  Yes, people women do too, if not more.  I guess we have to be conscious of where we are at too.  Sometimes maybe it is our motives or intents behind flirting that can make it appear to be innocent.  For instances, you’re flirting with someone but know that is all it is and you’re not even sexually attractive to that person and never had any desire toward him/her to proceed with anything else.  Maybe it is the sense of you wanting to be desired by others beyond your mate and want to be that something you can see but can never have.  Who knows?  We all have our reasons for flirting or not flirting.  We all know are intent or emotions behind it.  I will leave you with this a friend mines told me along time ago if you want to know if something is wrong just imagine things are reverse with your partner/mate and how would you feel.  Once again, I am not saying it’s right or wrong I am just speaking on the topic.  I am sure at some point or time in all of our lives we have flirted.

“Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom

Is that you God? It’s Me Will

You know most of my blog titles are pulled from songs, book titles, hip hop lyrics…etc.  I just draw from whatever inspires me and today’s blog title is no different.  I remember my sister (can’t remember which one it was) reading a book when I was younger title, “Is that you God?  It’s me Marget” and I can’t figure out why that particular title stuck with me.  Who knows?  Heck, I never was into reading too much when I was younger.  Actually, it was my oldest sister who is six years my senior.  She use to read Judy Bloom books all the time.

Just be patience with me because I am going some where with this blog title.  I am going to try to keep this short and simple as possible.  I just blog my feelings and every now and then I get introspective but I like simplicity though. 

You know we all go through different trials and tribulations in our lives and sometimes it is because we are being disobedient.  Everything we go through is not always the devil.  In my eyes, God rewards and also punishes.  I am not going to go through the Word with you (I really should) but there are example in the Bible when God was not please with man and punished him for misbehaving.  It’s funny some of the people you meet in life and the knowledge or the Word that they share with you stays with forever.  I can remember talking to a young lady and should told me, ”Just because you live in the world don’t mean you have to be off the world”.   In essence, what she was saying that I don’t have to adapt to what going on in the world.  Sometimes it seems like the people during wrong are succeeding that don’t mean you have to participate in wrong doing.  Then talking to a strange several years later he said, ”I never seen God for sake a righteous man”.  Well, something like that but you get my point.  Sometimes we are focus on the wrong things and we over look our blessings that we have and just consider it to be natural that everybody has a mother that was their for them, that everybody has healthy kids, that everybody has a loving wife, that everybody has had something to eat…etc.  The list goes on.   Well, that is really not the purpose of this blog but I just wanted to state some things and get my blog atmosphere flowing.

You should consult God in every aspect of your life.  That is from a big to a little decisions but I will admit that I am guilty of this because I don’t always consult HIM.  I just pick and chose.  You know I can remember talking to my boy David on a situation.  I will never forgot that he said he pray that God’s will will be done.  This is the same pray that my sister told me years before that she prays for.  David said because if you are not with HIS will then you are against HIM.  That was a pretty profound statement to me.  Like WOW!!!

Of course, I shared with him my thought on this particular topic/life experience he was going through with honesty.  You know sometimes HIS will is not ours and we have to accept that.  HE knows what best for us then we do.  I got to admit that I don’t want to go against God’s will but I am like that little kid and want to do what I want to do.  I am sure we all speak to God (whoever you pray to) at one times or another and expect an answer.  You should but the question is, will you listen?

I know God honors the desire of our hearts and want us to be the lenders and not the borrows.  I know this but in the process to receiving the reward, would you listen?  Everything in life is a test and why should are journey be any different.  We don’t complain when we have to take a driver test.  That is the law that man has written, so we follow the procedures and if we pass we get a driver license (reward).  As you know God’s reward is beyond monetary value, so I won’t go there.  In order to receive a degree you have to endure classes and studying for a series of years.  These rewards are not just handed to you without sacrificing and fighting through it to accomplish a feat.  It’s just not that simple people.

I know everyone believes that they have hear God at some time in their lives.  He will talk to you if you listen.  I am not here to tell anyone that their conversation or voice that they heard wasn’t God because I don’t know what your relationship is with HIM.  Maybe it was God and maybe it wasn’t.  What I am trying to say is this, what God tells you may not be what you want to hear.  I know we are want riches or to be financially stable.  Who don’t?

Sometimes your plans, goals or visions are  not what God has in store for you.  Just maybe your blessing is in community involvement, being a teacher or an artist…etc. These are occupations or avenues that don’t pay much but you’re bless with self gratification because you are helping others.  I know we think of blessings most of the time as a dollar value but that is not always the case.  We think just because we do not have the latest than we are not being blessed abundantly.  Blessings come in many forms and we just overlook them sometimes. 

If you had plans on becoming a singer, actor, writer or whatever career choice that could lead to multimillion dollars and whole heartily felt it was your calling and then God tells you something different.  Would you listen?  If HE told you your path was not an occupation filled with wealth but HE wanted you to develop a grassroots organization to combat against urban violence, would you listen?  Maybe God’s plan is not for you to rich but for you to focus on other aspects of your life and the fruitation of your hard work will be in monetary value that your lineage will receive.  Maybe it’s you who has to sacrifice and break the generational curse but you’re being bless in the process because of your obedience.  You being bless to be able to provide for your family and minister and sow seeds into other people lives. 

You know I want to move out of the city I live in.  I know the Lord knows my desires but maybe HE just don’t see fit for me to do it.  That’s a hard pill for me to digest  because that’s just not my plans.  On the other hand maybe just not right now me moving will not materialize because HE is a God of perfect timing.  Maybe we hear what we want too and not what God called us to do.  Now, I don’t know what the Lord is telling anyone else because you have your own personal relationship with HIM.  What I am saying is just listen. 

God told Noah to build the Ark and around up two of every animal because there was a flood coming.  From my understanding and if I can remember nobody even knew what a flood really was at that time.  I am sure there could have been other things Noah wanted to do with his time and life.  Who knows?  What we do know is Noah built the Ark and did what God instructed him to do.  Not to my knowledge (somebody correct me if I am wrong) Noah never resisted and asked God why.  Can you imagine running around gathering animals and talking about a flood is coming?  I am sure people looked at him like a fool and thought he lost his mind.  Sometimes we are going to be given an assignment that most if not all people won’t understand.  The reason for that is because not everybody suppose to understand, not everybody suppose to travel on that journey with you, not everybody going to be supportive but if God said it than you do it.  In the end, HE got you covered if it is God talking to you.

I am not hear to say that I always have listen to what God told me and I know I have surfer for that.  I can remember one time thinking to myself but how will I be able to pay for that because I got a bills to pay.  I heard two pastors at two different times say when God speaks to you and tell you to do something it is not long drawn out conversation and everything is not revealed to you right away.  A stranger paid for my kids meal at a restaurant and he said God told him to do, so who was he to question God.  He said he didn’t know why and didn’t asked but just followed orders.  Little did he know that my sister really did not have the money to pay for my children’s food that day.

My question to you is; do you really want to hear God?  If his plans are different from yours, would you follow?

Sometimes We Forget

It amazes me that sometimes we forget about the life journey that we have traveled.  I am a firm believer that we should look forward to the future and not harp on the past.  There is nothing wrong with revisiting the past but staying there and dwelling is when it becomes a problem.

A series of events and people brought about this blog.  I had plan on posting something different but how we forget about our past just amazes me.  I will be honest because I am guilty of this act at times to, so this is a reality check for myself.  You know I am with people advancing in life and their careers but lets not forget where you was before you didn’t have that good paying job.  I can remember when this guy I know couldn’t find employment and was truly struggling but now he is doing very well financially.  Basically, he is acting brand new.  This girl I know just brought a car and she use to catch the bus with a group of her coworkers.  One day a coworker asked her what time the bus comes.  She blasted out that she don’t catch the bus because she have a car now.  Now, it wasn’t the fact that she said it but the way she said it, she said it in the manner like she was to good for the bus.  It is crazy because she just stop catching the bus and didn’t even offer the woman a ride home or downtown where it would bring the woman closer to her destination.  Nobody owes you anything in life but I think if we can help each other than why not.  The girl was going pass downtown to go home anyway, so it isn’t like it was going to be out of her way.

Tee has a cousin who’s into the church if that is what you want to call it.  I don’t have a problem with people witnessing to me at all but lets stop acting like you holier than thou.  I am not saying go around and tell your business but I think the trails and tribulations we experience is not for us but for we can provide a testimony  and give God the glory.  There is a different in preaching to me and preaching at me.  Now, her cousins have did some negative things (we all have) but don’t act like you never went through what Billy Bob or Cindy Lou went through and they are just flat out wrong and you don’t understand and can’t relate.  That is a bunch of B.S.!  Let that person know you been there but you overcame and it wasn’t easy for you, but you did this or that and the Lord delivered you.  Just cut the games out! 

I get on my mother and sister at times about saying certain things about the people who lives in the Projects.  Man, we are like a few years removed, so we don’t have any place or room to talk.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t want my children living in the PJ’s or hanging out there and that is why I work hard for that won’t happen.  My kids playedTiny Tot basketball at the local recreation center and those were so rough kids but I can’t act as if my kids are better than them.  What I can do is teach my kids how to enteract with them and not to act like them.  I want them to be expose to different things and people that even mean people from the hood too.  What’s so funny because not all people from the hood are bad, that is a misconception. 

To many times we good off to college and get degrees and move far away from the inner city that we were brought up at.  We never return to help out, tutor or mentor, and be a role model in children in the inner city lives.  We take those resources (knowledge & education) and move far far away and throw stones at the less fortunate or have-nots.  During this youth summit I had a pleasure to attend a young boy got up and spoke.  He was either in elementary or middle school.  He explained that he understood everything the panelist was saying but when he wakes up he don’t see any doctors, lawyers…etc. around him in his neighborhood.  Usually, most of them have moved out the hood and don’t come back and on top of this scared.  I am not saying not to want better because you should but what I am saying it is wrong when you don’t give back in some type of shape or form.  It don’t have to be monetary all the times because giving your time is just as invaluable if not more beneficial to a young person life.  I remembered when I use to tutor and mentor, I had a ball and it is something I would love to do again but my job conflicted with those hours.

Lets not forget we use to be home less, job less, over weight, car less and be sympathetic and show some empathy to people situation because you was not always the person you are today.

Fight the Power, W.W.J.D

You know MG and KG are in preschool and attend a private school that is Catholic.  I chose this school for many different reasons.  I already had a rapport with some of the teachers and principal since my nephew attend school there.  I always admired the progress that they have made in my nephew’s life and his education.  The teachers really do care and the principal is always hugging the kids and promote love.  I just feel that is great!

My children always make this statement, especially my son, “Jesus doesn’t like that.”  Honestly, they use it in the right context to and it is usaully because one of them doing something wrong to the other.  You know MG (my son) even says it to me when I scream at him.  That’s something I have to work on because it as if they do not respond to nothing esle but yelling at times.    One thing that I tell my children is when somebody hit you, you better hit them back.  That is just the rules to the game for the way we live at our house.

Now this can be a bit of a problem for many different reasons.  First, let me back track a little.  I am not telling them to bully anybody but to protect themselves and stick together.  With them being 4 and 3 years old their comprehension might get confuse but I am willing to deal with that later.  I was brought up with the same mentality but where I live it was apart of survive or you would become a victim.  It necessarily was not about winning the fight but standing up for yourself.  This world that we live in is really cruel and will eat you up and I can’t have a passive child of mines being swallowed whole by society.  So, I am teaching them to be assertive and it may not always come across to well at this age but I am laying the foundation.  If I was to teach my children to run than they will become prey for predators out there who hunt people with low-esteem and lack of confident.

Well back to the subject, my son tells me that Jesus doesn’t like that and he shouldn’t hit back but to tell the teacher.  I can see how this is confusing for him and why it is instructed for him to tell the appropriate authority.  I know some teachers that I grew up with so I know their approach and let be realitic about it, even the teacher get tired of a child saying he hit me or she hit me.  You know children can go through that all day and it can be annoying.  I try to explain to him that I know Jesus doesn’t like that BUT you have to do what daddy says because you can’t let anyone take advantage of you.  He goes on to say that he should tell the teacher so now the teacher logic or reasoning is superceding mines and it is a problem.  At this point, it is obvious that he got caught hitting somebody or somebody hitting him and he told them what I said.  I do not have a problem with them knowing.  I told him if the teachers have a problem with it than I will talk to them but they are instructed to hit back.  For me there is no grey area.  I am not sure if I got through to him because this never been an issues with him defending himself, maybe my daughter but not my son.  I really think he hears me but even at this age he is using this statement out of convinience. 

It is strange to me that you will get suspended or repremended for defending yourself.  I was watching this television show the other day and it was about prison inmates.  Two inmates got into a fist scuff  and exchange blows  and then the guards intervene to break up the fight.  Of course, the head guard gather both parties statement of what occurred.  Regardless, if you started it or not you was punished.  I just don’t get it because especially in this example, you are in prison and you expect me to take an a$$ whipping and not fight back when I got to live in here for some years and become a victim or somebody woman.  I THINK NOT!  That is prison life so that a different story within itself.  If my children have to get in trouble for fighting back then so be it.  Either they fight the kids or fight me, so they can take their pick!

“I never thought of losing, but now that it’s happened, the only thing is to do it right. That’s my obligation to all the people who believe in me. We all have to take defeats in life.” – Muhammad Ali (1942-)
statement after losing his first fight to Ken Norton, March 31, 1973

A Time to Kill

I was watching The Maury Show while I had like 50 million things on my mind, so I am getting angry.  The show was about teenage abusive boyfriends and my angry really start fueling.  Of course, I was already pissed.  I am not sure who saw the movie A Time to Kill staring  Samuel L. Jackson.  I will not explain the movie but if you have not seen it you should watch it.

Back to the show, well Maury brought out a lady that was confined to a wheel chair for the rest of her life because her husband use to abuse her and got upset and then shot her.  There was three young teenage girls around 16 years old that was being battered by their boyfriends.  One of the girls never told her mother, so her mother didn’t even know what was going on.  The lady in the wheel chair was used as an example, so the three teenage girls had to be in a wheel chair for a day for they can see how it feel if they continue to accept the abuse.  As for the three boys, they were sent to spend a day in jail and overnight.  Now I did not see the rest of the show, so I don’t know what happen and how things turned out.

I know Maury was talking about the teenage boys being rehabilated.  For me personally I am like whatever.  There is no rehabilating and then having a relationship with my daughter.  BULL  @#%$!  That rehabilating better be for himself because that relationship would be over with mines.  PERIOD!

I pray I never experience anything like that with my children and specifically with my daughter.  I don’t like to comment like this because I believe it might incriminate me in the future if I do something wrong but I am going to make an exception this go around.  This is straight up truth-dude is a DEAD MFer.  If I am able to get my hands on that little boy that abuse my baby girl then it is curtains for him.  His best bet is to contact the police for protection because I am not calling them about the situation.  I am going to play the jury, judge and police.  I know that is a vigilant attitude but that is the way it is.  I am sitting there watching these young girls cry and these little boys talking crazy.  They talking about how they mistreat these girls and beat on them and make them have sex with them.  All the young girls are sitting with their heads downs and can’t look up because they are embarrass and the little boys are bragging like it a great accomplishment.  Man, BULL #@%$!

I have a daughter and we’re trying to do our best in raising her.  One thing I noticed about all three of these young teenage girls that there was no father presence.  I am not saying the boys would not have done the beating but I do think that they would have thought twice.  You know I tell my daughter on a regular basis how pretty she is and how smart she is too.  I tell my son the same thing because I think it should be reiterated and hopeful it is embedded in their minds.  Of course, I don’t tell my son that he is pretty either but handsome though.  I do not want them to grow up with the lack of confident as if they are inadequate or feel inferior to nobody.  I don’t want my daughter to depend on some knuckle boys to tell her that she is pretty and woo her out off her panties.

I am not saying this wouldn’t happen but I pray to the Lord that it doesn’t.  I will continue to speak against this type of abuse that might try to occur in their lives.  See people I witness my mom being abuse so I know and vowed that I would never do a woman like that.  That is one of the most horrible thing to experience because you are a child and you can’t do anything physically to protect your mom or love one.  That’s why I try to pay my daughter as many comments as I can and including my son.  I continue to tell them I am proud of them when they do something right and encourage them to do good deeds. 

I tell you even if that was my son doing the beating of his girlfriend then all hell would break loose.  I just would not and could not stand there and watch or know that my son is abusing a young girl physically or emotionally and not intervene.   If he is young like these teenage boys on that show then I might have to put my hands on him and let him know how it feels.  If he keeps it up then more than likely he might want to find him a place to stay.  My whole point is this, I would take some type of action toward his behavior and not turn a blind eye.

What is even more strange I wonder where was the little boys’ mother and father.  I am not saying that they weren’t around because maybe they didn’t want to appear on the show.  Some of these boys probably didn’t have a positive role model or a father in their lives.  It just do not make it an excuse though because hell I didn’t have one either.  Sometimes we have to be careful of how we sow are seeds.

“A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

The Genesis

As I embark on 2009 I am also evaluating 2008 because I definitely took some wrong turns on this road called life.  Man, 2008 was difficult and it came in kinda rough but the Lord brought me through it and I survived.  After all said and done I have many things to be thankful for regardless of how my circumstances are currently.  I won’t complain, well at least not right now.

 

I am going to make the most of this year and be as productive as I can to achieve my goals.  I am a firm believe if you don’t have any goals in life than you will continue to be stagnated and never get any where.  Every year with the exception of last I write down my goals that I want to get accomplish for the year.  I usually put them some place where I usually visit for I can see them and internalize them because I am a visual person.  Being able to see my goals and read them provide me with some accountability and help me to remain focus.  Right now, I am truly out of focus and need some adjustments to the lenses of life.  Actually, I am behind in doing my goals for the year because usually I would have done them in early December.

 

If you are planning a trip more than likely you are going to make some travel arrangements to get to your destination.  It is the same with life too.  It is unfortunate that we don’t have a navigation systems on this road called life.  You have to have some type of plan on what you want to achieve in life because as I been told before…A PIE IS NOT GOING TO FALL OUT OF THE SKY!  I am not saying you or me for that reason will accomplish every goal we write down for this year but it is important to strive to achieve them.  Of course, it is impossible to prepare for all of life unexpected events and problems that will come your way that could derail you off track. 

 

Well I think this year I am going to do something different.  Not different but make some adjustments to my goal setting and see if it inspire me more.  Well heck, you would think I got enough motivation with all the things going on around me…LOL.  I am going to write down my goals and post them as usually and be specific like I am always.  I will try to make then challenging but realistic at the same time and looking at my current debt and finances I am going to be extremely realistic.  Now that don’t me mean I will just settle for my goals because if there is round to go beyond achieving what I set out to do then the sky will be the limit.  This time I am going to incorporate a reward system for every bill that I pay off.  It probably won’t be anything fancy but it could be expensive but it will be well deserved for completing that task.  I really have an interest in cologne for some reason.  I purchase cologne here and there but especially when I visit New York because I can get a bargain.  Some of the cologne I like can be pricey, so I think I will use that as a reward for accomplishing each goal.

 

Truth be told, there is so much work for me to do this year.  I heard the only way to tackle a problem is head on, so I am moving toward it.

 

“People don’t plan to fail Will, they just fail to plan.”  Rahn Carr R.I.P

 

 

Keep Your Head to the SKY

What’s up people?  I truly can’t call it.  I have received more rejection letters from employers than the average heroin junky putting a needle in he/her arm.  So, lets just say it was a very large amount.  I tell you it can become dishearten at times because I know my capabilities and I am positive that I posses the KSA’s that are required for these jobs.  I got to be honest; I know the Lord is working on me.  I know I really need it and I just can’t figure out his whole message.

See people I know my struggle can’t be in vain because there is no way I could have survived some of the land mines that life set up for me.  Don’t get me wrong because some of my situations have been my fault too.  I remember my sister saying, “If God can bring you to it then he can bring you through it.”  Times can get rough people and sometimes I do not know how I keep going.  I tell you it just have to be the Lord who keeps on pushing me because sometimes I am ready to wave the white flag and yell, “I SURRENDER” at the top of my lungs.  Especially when it comes to these job situations.  Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful and grateful for the current employment that I have because not to long ago I was unemployed.  Thank you Jesus!  The Lord knew I needed a job. 

 

My thinking is this…the Lord has to be shutting doors on me for a reason and it has to be for my best interest.  I once heard a pastor say something similar to what I just stated.  He said you should sometimes thank the Lord for the doors that were shut on you.  I got to agree with that.  I can remember when Tee wanted to purchase this car.  It was a Dodge Intrepid with black interior, bronze/gold exterior and did not have that many miles on it.  At the time we did not have the money, so she was disappointed and I was just torn to pieces because I wanted her to have that car.  When you have a mate you want the best for them and to be able to give them at least a few of their desires.  Anyway, later on her sister purchased that same car and it gave her all types of problems and headaches.  Of course, I do not wish anyone any ill will or want them to experience heartaches.  My whole purpose of that example is Father knows best.  My mom always use to say, “Boy, the Lord works in mysterious ways.  HE may not come when you call on him but when HE come HE’S right on time.”   See, I am so happy Tee did not get that car because we could not have been able to afford to make the payments and repairs.  That car would have got reposed with the quickness…LOL.

 

Throughout my whole life I have experience rejection and didn’t have any foresight until I looked at that particular situation in retrospect.  I am going to provide a few examples throughout this blog.  I can remember that I wanted to go to graduate school but I wanted to attend The Ohio State University.  I owed OSU money for a loan so they would not release my transcripts.  Plus, my undergraduate grades from there were only a 2.4 gpa.  [Side note:  I recently ordered my transcripts and boy did I make some terrible grades.  I rarely studied because I had no aspiration on pursuing higher education.  I tell you what; I have paid for making those terrible grades because some employers have over looked me for that very reason.]  Well let me get back to the topic, I had to work in a factory to pay off my loan from OSU for they can release my transcripts.  I use to go to that place mad as HELL!  The whole time while I am working there I am thinking like, “Dude you have a bachelor degree and you working in a factory on the floor.”  Of course, those were the same questions I go asked from co-workers time to time.  Now, if I could have gotten a different job then I would have because I didn’t want to be there.  I had bills to pay and plus a mother to help out with her finances.  I worked their for a little over two years but during that time I would tell people that I am going to graduate school.  I kept having set backs and it appeared as if I was just blowing smoke.  I am sure people was like, yeah right, whatever.  Some circumstances were out of my control so a few times I had to postpone graduate school and it just seemed like things weren’t going to materialize.  Eventually, I paid off the loan and applied to Wright State’s graduate school with the intention of transferring to OSU.  I got accepted to Wright Stategraduate school under conditional status since I did not have 3.0 gpa which would have given me automatic admission.  I had to take twelve credit hours and maintain a 3.0 gpa or higher and I could not receive any financial aid.  This really dampen my spirits because I did not have the money at the time plus I was planning on quitting the factory.  I busted my tail and paid for those twelve credit hours and when I finished I earned an assistantship and a partial scholarship.  Plus, during that time I earned a “C” and was on the verge of not being accepted and I had quited the factory too.  Usually they don’t have assistantship until the fall quarter because students just graduated that past Spring, so since I made a “C” then me earning an assistantship wasn’t going to happen.  I told my mother that if it was meant to be then it will be.  Just so happen that winter quarter they had an assistantship for me.

 

My old purpose of this blog is not about my education or a car.  I really did not want to ever blog about my education personally.  Don’t’ get me wrong again, I am grateful that I was able to accomplish that feat that I set out to do but it is truly irrelevant to what I am talking about.  My purpose is this-sometimes the Lord places you where you need to be and not where you want to be.  It was a lesson I was learning at that factory and the people that I had to meet.  It gave me a perspective on how I will never treat my employees and provided me with the insight of how the dynamics were set up in a factory.  Sometimes the Lord process is a process that we do not understand and don’t need to understand.  I am not saying it is easy but we got to let him make it do what it do.  We just need to surrender to HIS will and have faith that HE is going to work it out.  HE knows what best for us more than we do.  If I had not come back to Dayton then I would not have met T and there would be no existence of MG & KG (my kids).  This is the same attitude I got to have with this employment situation.  The Lord got to know what’s best for me and probably trying to take me some direction that maybe I don’t want to go.  I don’t know.  It got to be a chess game and HE is about to allow me to have a CHECKMATE!    

“If you want to make God laugh at you, just tell HIM what you plan on doing with your life.”- J.B McCarthy