Papers

What’s happening people?  I know it been a minute since I blogged.  I won’t say that I am back but this will be a start at least to me starting to blog again.  It is like a basketball player that has retired or haven’t played the game in a while.  You never forget how to play but you have to find your shot or rhythm and that just comes with time and putting up a lot of rep’s.  It’s the same thing with this blogging for me.  Eventually, I will find my rhythm and be blogging more consistently.  I hope.

You know Usher has this new song called, “Papers” and it is touching on his marry life with his wife Tameka.  I can’t lie I like the song but feel a little guilty about liking a song about a marriage ending and filing for divorce.  I am not a Usher’s fan so I truly could care less if he stayed married or not but with that being said I hate to see a divorce take place for some reason.  I am not saying I don’t believe in it because I personally do.  Sometimes it is what it is and you have to do what you have to do. 

Sometimes we know what we’re getting ourselves into when we go out and get married.  Man, if she didn’t cook when the both of you dated than I don’t know how you can expect things to change when you get married.  I just don’t think the aspect of marriage is what going to change a person.  The person themselves is going to have to want to change.  I won’t get all biblical on you all.  I will leave that to someone who’s going to leave a comment. 

This may not sound correct or may even step on someone toes but I just don’t know if I was single if I could handle a woman with kids.  For a lot of reasons.  You truly have to take into account all aspect of that person history with someone else.  Regardless it is going to affect you because of that child’s mother or father.  My partner use to try to explain somethings to me and I truly didn’t understand it and I would argue against it.  In retrospect I understand what he was saying and why he would prefer his kids not to marry someone with kids. 

Let me get to the point here.  A friend of mines been married for some time now but his wife had kids from a previous relationship.  I had my own opinion about the marriage but never spoke because he never asked and I didn’t feel comfortable doing so.  Maybe that makes me a terrible friend, I don’t know.  I’ll let you decide and be the judge.  I just felt like his mind was made up and my reason wasn’t because she had children either.  It is not like I can predict the future but people you know you have witness a situation that you JUST know is a MISTAKE.  Well, that’s the way I felt.  I know within in my heart my friend knew it too but as long as he’s happy then I am happy for him.  It’s strange because had this been any other situation I would have spoken up.

Let’s fast forward because I don’t want to draw this thing out.  I won’t give you too much background information, I’ll let you fill in the blanks how you see fit.  He has been the only father those kids have known and they call him daddy.  All of a sudden after eight years the father want to appear in the children lives.  The father founded my friend wife on Facebook.  See, people Facebook is no good…LOL.  Anyway, my friend tells his wife how he feels about it and that he really don’t want him seeing them and just let him go through the court system to get visitation.  It is a mess now with this stranger (father) coming back into the picture and I personally suspect he’s just trying to sleep with my friend wife in the process.  Well, he expressed himself but left the choice up to her.  She decided to let the father communicate with the children on the phone…etc.

That’s the basics of the story but there is more and I just won’t go into it all.  I just don’t know.  I am not saying it is grounds for divorce so please do interpret it like that.  They were doom from the beginning anyway and it goes deeper than this one situation.  It’s sad because I know my friend loves his wife but there is nothing he’s going to do right to satisfy that woman.  Yes, I only know one side of the story but my Spidy’s senses telling me that he’s in the right. 

Let me clear myself up even more.  I am truly not saying don’t married anyone with kids.  Now, you have to be mindful of what you’re getting yourself into and that includes marrying somebody without kids.  I just feel like I would have to have a sit down with the father (s) and get to at least introduce myself to them.  I just will have to have some rules to this arrangement of being involved with this woman.  Let not assume that everybody is going to handle this situation correctly or what I consider correctly.  All that late night calling and popping up, she arguing back and forward with him while I’m on the couch watching television…etc.  Naw, dawg that got to stop!  We just have to come up with a better plan.  My friend always told me know matter what put your family first.  PERIOD!  I think I’ll take his advice.  In my other friend’s case, he might have to get ready and sign those papers.

“I don’t care how poor a man is; if he has family, he’s rich”.  ~Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, “Identity Crisis,” M*A*S*H

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